Two Moments That Showed Me What Real Leadership Looks Like

There are two moments in my military career that I will never forget—not because of the rank or the mission, but because of the leadership I witnessed.

Bosnia-Herzegovina, 1996

We were one of the first U.S. units deployed into Bosnia. No one knew how long we’d be there. Then we got word—it could be a year. That hit hard. At the time, a year-long deployment was unheard of. Our battalion commander gathered us and gave it to us straight.

He said, “I don’t know exactly when we’re leaving yet. It might be longer than we want. But I do know this—we’re already on tap to come back later next year. So we’ve got a job to do, and that’s what we’re going to focus on.”

He stayed the whole deployment with us. He could have left that news for his successor. Instead he told us himself, while we were still in country—bad news he didn’t have to deliver, and nothing to gain by delivering it. He did it because he believed hard news should come from the leader who was there, not the one who arrived after.

Iraq, years later

Our G-3 was promoted to full bird colonel—ceremony over video, his family watching from wherever they were, the whole thing. A few days later, they took the rank off him. I’m not sure of the reasons—I think it was tied to some congressional inquiry or something like that. He could’ve been bitter. Embarrassed. Distracted.

Instead, he stood up in front of us and dealt with it once, directly: if you want to know what happened, come ask him—but he wasn’t dwelling on it, and he needed us not to dwell on it either. No gossip, no side conversations. Back to work.

He didn’t flinch. He didn’t drag anyone down with him. He stayed steady. And in doing so, he kept the entire operation on track.

What those two moments taught me is what real leaders do: they take responsibility. They deliver the news—good or bad—and they deal with it head on. They don’t sit around whining about it. They don’t have to like it. But the work is still there, and they do it—and everybody watching learns what that looks like.

Those two leaders left a permanent mark on me.

Have you ever seen a leader lead like that?